Saturday, March 27, 2010

What to do?

What to do when the title of my blog no longer seems appropriate. I guess in some ways it is appropriate, since we've overcome the hurdle that was infertility, but I feel like something of a fraud posting on what appears to be an infertility blog, now that Squidgy has arrived.

Squidgy has a name. Nathaniel Cai. He arrived after 12 hours of established labour, and the 12 hours before, that I managed to deny I was in early labour. I was sure the contractions would go away again!

Nate is almost 8 months, and I know its a cliche, but time really has flown. For anyone wondering if its all worth it, if motherhood is everything its cracked up to be, for me, there aren't enough words to describe the joy it has brought. Its like there was always a part of me missing, that I never even knew about, until Nate arrived. This incredible bond, that you nurture through the pregnancy, becomes realised when this perfect little human is born. He is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

I'm mindful of friends who are yet to meet their forever babies, and it feels strange to now be part of that "other", with a completed journey and happy ending. If anything, being one of the lucky ones, makes me want it all the more for them. I no longer have this dragging ache, a dread of the next pregnancy announcement, or the bitter longing as I watch a friend with their baby. There is still resentment toward those who take their easy journey for granted. I'm still getting used to the fact that Nate is normal to the rest of the world, but means so very much to us - his story began almost 6 years ago, not with a missed period in November '08.

We are blessed.

Monday, March 23, 2009

21 weeks already

Eeek - almost 2 months between posts. I have been slack.


No real excuse apart from apathy, but I guess I could always play the "baby brain" card here.
I've been so slack keeping up with messages from friends, email, and even doing the work for our 10 year vet reunion, that its just ridiculous. Granted, I have been obsessing over baby stuff, gloriously consumed by it, but thats not a real reason to ignore the rest of my life, just another excuse.

Well I have this week off, so I'll hopefully get my act together, get organised and manage to catch up. K is nagging me about finishing the baby quilts (for a friend) I started AAAAAAAAges ago, before starting anything else. What a killjoy. ; )

All is progressing well on the baby front, there is a real belly happening, which feels just wonderful I must say! We've been feeling Squidgy move for the last few weeks now, since 15 weeks. 19w scan went quite well, all the measurements were good, heart and kidneys looked good, but we do have a single umbilical artery instead of the normal 2 arteries. Can be nothing to worry about, can be associated with trisomy 13 or 18, cardiac problems, renal or urologic problems.....or a completely normal baby. Nothing major showing up on our scans, so we continue as though nothing has happened. We have another cardiac scan scheduled for 3 weeks, just to double check again, what with the DS risk and now the single artery.
And I'd almost got my endocrine and obstetric appts to line up again, when my thyroid starts playing up and throws a spanner in the works. Turns out its now dropping a bit too low, and unless my T4 reverts back to normal by next week, I'll be on thyroxine for the rest of the pregnancy. Minor detail that one!

Work is going well, apart from my roster being a little all over the place - I never know what clinic I'm working at! I also had discussions with the local uni, and they're interested in having me on staff at the vet clinic when I'm ready to come back from maternity leave next year. I'm really excited about that. Its nothing definite of course, but would make a nice change of pace. And I'd get to be involved in teaching students.

We also took a major step a few weeks ago when a local baby store was closing down - we bought a change table and a baby monitor. Both were ridiculously marked down, and massive bargains, so we were pretty happy with the purchases. Now to keep working on my darling husband about cloth nappies.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Mixed news

The OB appointment was a bit of a false start last week. We were shunted into the endocrine team after waiting over an hour, then shortly after saw an obstetric registrar. Who was nice, but the OB we will be seeing was still on holidays. And it was kind of a meet and greet and "here's a form for more tests" appointment.

We went ahead with the nuchal translucency scan, I was pretty happy to pass on it, since we wouldn't be doing CVS or amniocentesis, but K was fairly keen. I was pretty much expecting to get results at our next appointment, but K nearly had a fit when I suggested that! I don't think it helped his blood pressure. Thankfully the ultrasonographer intervened and said we'd get a call if there were problems.

I was suspicous during the scan, as we didn't get a huge amount pointed out, and she spent a lot of time getting multiple measurements of bub. Not overly concerned though, there was no "OH MY STARS THIS CHILD IS A LIZARD!!" Pretty good start. Moving ok, heartbeat ok, there were 5 fingers, 2 arms, 2 legs, a brain......getting better.

The bloods finally came through on Tuesday (took their darned time!), and since we didn't get a phone call then, we thought we might be ok. I figured if we didn't get one by the end of the week, and certainly by next tuesday, we'd probably be out of the woods. Wednesday morning the phone call comes. We got your results, and you're high risk for chromosomal abnormalities. 1:100. 1% chance. Not horrendous odds, but still not what we wanted to hear, especially considering the risk for age is only 1:900. Next step would be CVS, which would need to be done in the next week. I've already decided I'm not prepared for that risk, a 1-2 % increase in miscarriage? No way. The OB was great, briefly went through our history and the multiple IVF cycles, and was completely understanding of us not being prepared for that risk.

I don't know how I'd manage if we did the test, lost the baby and it came back normal. Especially when the risk of abnormalities is lower than the risk of the test.

So K and I talked a lot yesterday, and we have moved our appointment with the OB forward to next week. Mostly so Kieran can be there for it. It was supposed to be the "big one" with booking in and the like, meeting midwives and stuff. I guess we'll discuss what to expect, the real risks, and the next ultrasound. We'll just wait until then to make any decisions, if there are problems, we'll deal with them then.

Now the initial kick in the guts has worn off, I'm feeling more positive. 1% is not so bad. The odds are actually on our side for a change. I'm frustrated that we're not able to just enjoy this pregnancy though, and look forward to scans rather than wish away the next 6 weeks to get clearer answers.

Well we can save some more and stash it away for when I'm off work I guess, but there won't be any baby shopping for at least another 2 months I think.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

2 more sleeps to go

Until we see the OB. I managed to think up a few questions, K is being completely unhelpful though, and apparently has nothing he wants to know. He obviously thinks that asking when his wife will stop being a hormonal unpredictable time bomb is not a good idea while I'm in the room.
Smart man, that one.

Q1: When should I stop work?
2: How much work is ok? What restrictions should I have? (obviously x-rays, hormone or chemo drugs are a no-no!)
3: Is it ok to get a dental scale done or not?
4: What do we do about the NT scan? Should we worry?
5: How often is it ok to ultrasound myself at work (huge anxiety reliever to see bubs jiggling away)
5: If PCOS was part of my problems, does this increase the risk for gestational diabetes? (with that whole insulin resistance thing...)
6: Is it ok to keep taking zantac for the reflux, and should I take it prophylactically or only after sypmtoms start?

And listening intently to all the other info I'm sure we'll be bombarded with!

Sleeping better this week thank heavens, last night was the exception, go figure.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I just want to sleep

I'm so tired. I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep. But then, I can't remember what I was doing 40 seconds ago either. My back is sore, and I realised today I'm not actually over the morning sickness, not if I haven't had enough sleep.

If anyone has any pointers for getting a solid night's sleep while pregnant, now is the time to chime in.

It is kind of comforting, because I feel like I'm in limbo at the moment. Maybe that's why I'm not sleeping well. Maybe I'm worried about work. Maybe I'm just worried. I'm having horrid dreams at the moment, which usually only happens when I'm upset about something. But the only thing I'm upset about is not getting enough sleep. Tonight, I'm going to start a sleep ritual. No chocolate before bed. A nice warm, soothing shower. A cup of herbal tea. Maybe I'll do some yoga first to work some physical exhaustion in there too.

These shorter work days are taking some of the pressure off at least. I get a break in the morning, so if its been a bad night, I can sleep in. Which is actually most nights. And I've had a few great days at work, got everything done during the day without needing to stay back late. O wonder of wonders!

I'm still apprehensive about how far to plan ahead, everything still seems so precarious. Today marked munchkins 11w milestone, so I know the further we get, the better we're doing. But I've never had the luxury of ignorance to simply assume all will go well. At the same time, I'm certainly not pessimistic, just trying to enjoy each day of this ride, for as long as I can. I feel so blessed to get this far and be feeling so good.

I feel a bit lost because some of the early symptoms like morning sickness don't seem to be as pronounced, but I'm not showing, I don't feel the baby move, and not much else has changed. I feel kind of stupid doing much else in the way of preparation. I have started clearing out all our art gear from one spare room to the office/guest room, thus creating space in what will eventually be a nursery. Hard to justify doing anything much more than spring cleaning, but at least that keeps me occupied. I also started looking into modern cloth nappies, not the white terry towelling squares we grew up with, but fitted ones. The costs look pretty good, especially since you can use them for later kids (if we were that lucky). And some of them fit from newborn (or shortly after) through to toddler. Then there is the whole environmental aspect.
I'll have some trouble convincing K of this however. He's dead keen on disposables, and they do have the advantage of convenience, so we might even use a combination.

And there I go getting ahead of myself.

I am spending more time training the dogs too. They're pretty good, but because they are just so big, I need to make sure they're used to different rules. Eclipse, well, he's a cat. And cats will be cats. He had a scare last week after leaping onto the flyscreen to catch a gecko....and going straight through. He ended up 3m up a palm tree with our two dogs leaping up to try and catch him. They're great with him as long as he doesn't start acting like a prey item or a possum.

And I finally bought a mobile phone. ALMOST made it to 31 without one. And still haven't gotten any calls on it, it really is just an emergency backup. I haven't bothered topping up the credit, as $10 might actually last me a month! I did have to text my husband to get him to put my mobile number in his contact list, the lazy bugger!

So some meditation, yoga and then attempt to sleep! 8 more sleeps until our first OB appointment. I have a handful of questions, but really don't know what I should be asking - apart from is the baby ok!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Post Christmas Recovery

So I overdid it leading up to Christmas. A couple of late-ish nights, a cold, then a tummy bug, and working every day in the 7 days before ..... I'm still recovering. Feeling a truckload better, thank heavens, but had to endure a SEVERE talking to by K, who stressed the importance of looking after myself, and how it was no longer just my body to abuse the way I wanted etc etc.

I'm still in trouble for not having spoken to my boss regarding the roster, but will do that chore this week. I've been brainstorming a few ideas to help take the load off a little. I don't even really know what I need, since I cope with a normal day fine, I guess I just don't have the luxury of being able to have late nights anymore. They really take their toll.

But I'm cutting back on the length of my days to keep K happy. Things might change when we get to the 2nd trimester, but in the meantime, especially until we get to talk to an OB, I guess its safer to be extra-cautious rather than risk anything. It is rather reassuring to have access to the work ultrasound all the time - I checked on the little prawn Christmas Eve, and its certainly getting bigger, and looking like a baby, rather than an alien creature. You could see the head, and the body all curled up, little heartbeat ticking away steadily. It helps me breathe a little easier.

Christmas was lovely and quiet. I felt pretty good Christmas morning, but awful for the rest of the day. We had roast lamb for dinner, with pavlova for dessert.....yummmm. If only I could have enjoyed it. Mum and Dad came up for 4 days, mostly ended up looking after me!

Kieran got his precious Rock Band instruments and game from Santa - I figure it will be the last year he really does get spoilt like this, so what the heck. He bought me some lovely marcasite jewellery. I used to have this beautiful marcasite flower brooch I loved, but lost it in NZ when we went for a friend's wedding. I never realised until a couple of months later :(
I also got Nigella's Christmas recipe's book - lots of new ones in there luckily! I'm still not sure if it was for me or so he could enjoy the benefits!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Just a quick one, mostly so I can wish everyone a Merry Christmas before the day!!

I hope you all have a wonderful day, and that the new year ahead is filled with joy and peace.

I suppose some of you are also wanting a pregnancy update. Are you proud of me? I used the "p" word! We're 8 weeks today, and I checked on the little prawn yesterday at work with our ultrasound....still ticking away there, the heartbeat was nice and strong. Our first ultrasound was a whole 10 days ago now, and everything was right on track.

Right now I'm still recovering from one of those charming summer colds, and long days at work. Thank heavens its just "normal" hours and no really awful days. I need to talk to my boss about spreading my hours out and working fewer hours each day, just more days each week. 10 hours is my limit, so if it happens to be a bad day, I'm not going to cope well.

I digress.

I'll be thinking of you all over the holidays, please stay safe, drive safe if you must drive, and enjoy as much festive spirit as you're able!

May 2009 be a blessed one!