Saturday, March 27, 2010

What to do?

What to do when the title of my blog no longer seems appropriate. I guess in some ways it is appropriate, since we've overcome the hurdle that was infertility, but I feel like something of a fraud posting on what appears to be an infertility blog, now that Squidgy has arrived.

Squidgy has a name. Nathaniel Cai. He arrived after 12 hours of established labour, and the 12 hours before, that I managed to deny I was in early labour. I was sure the contractions would go away again!

Nate is almost 8 months, and I know its a cliche, but time really has flown. For anyone wondering if its all worth it, if motherhood is everything its cracked up to be, for me, there aren't enough words to describe the joy it has brought. Its like there was always a part of me missing, that I never even knew about, until Nate arrived. This incredible bond, that you nurture through the pregnancy, becomes realised when this perfect little human is born. He is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

I'm mindful of friends who are yet to meet their forever babies, and it feels strange to now be part of that "other", with a completed journey and happy ending. If anything, being one of the lucky ones, makes me want it all the more for them. I no longer have this dragging ache, a dread of the next pregnancy announcement, or the bitter longing as I watch a friend with their baby. There is still resentment toward those who take their easy journey for granted. I'm still getting used to the fact that Nate is normal to the rest of the world, but means so very much to us - his story began almost 6 years ago, not with a missed period in November '08.

We are blessed.

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