Its cold.

Do you know how I know? The cat won't leave me alone, having made the decision that all personal space boundaries are no longer valid in the quest for the warmest place. Currently my lap. Typing with a cat on my lap is now commonplace. And I do love the feeling of a cat purring because of me. Might just be because I'm warm, but at least I can do something right for him!

Yesterday was a crap day at work. Not a huge shock, but more crap than usual. The look on my face when I walked in kept most questions at bay. Frustrating that I have to look like a homicidal maniac to get some personal space at work though. Does not help one's frame of mind.

Pulled into the driveway last night after spending half of the drive home crying and wondering how I could get through the weekend on call, and kicked myself for not stopping on the way home to get a bottle of wine. That would have improved my night, I was sure.
However - I walked in, and Kieran had done the dishes, cleaned the floors and done a general tidy up. Wow. And to top it all off, there were flowers and a bottle of wine on the table.
I asked him who had called and told him about my crap day......but it was totally spontaneous. He does get it. Man, I love my husband so much.

So we had a heart to heart last night, talked about my work, and how much it was bothering me, but then, its not the real issue, its just that I want to move on to the next stage of my life and complete our family. His words, not mine. And its true.
The hardest part, is that I have no real control over that. It will either happen or it won't. I know that, and have no choice but to accept it, but it still hurts so much.

And knowing how happy I felt for those few days we thought the FET had actually worked, it makes it hard to be happy now. I know how happy we'll be if we can get pregnant and raise a child, so how do I cope with the uncertainty of that prospect? This isn't the life I want, the one where I'm pregnant and a mother is.

So it's stick with the current job for now, and hope we get lucky I guess. And find a way to get through the days at work.